I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize