somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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