i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
