Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize