Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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