I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
