Its about making memories worth repressing
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize