a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
