3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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