So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
