How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
