Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
