some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The beer is more important than you right now.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize