There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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