Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
