I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
