I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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