if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
