Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize