Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
