It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
