chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
