Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
