I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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