Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I lost the right to judge tonight
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
