I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
