yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
