Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
