With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
