He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
