This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
