I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we should paint friendship bongs
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