there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize