You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
