I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
