Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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