Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
