I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
