Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
