i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
