Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
