My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
