somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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