Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
