I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
