genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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