my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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