Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
