ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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