Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
