I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
