for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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