just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
