But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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