It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
