if only i could text you this smell
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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