it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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