no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
