Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
