um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
