im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
