i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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