your parents love me but you hate me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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