With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
