you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
