he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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