Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
