Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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