if you like me you must not know who I am
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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