what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
