just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
