Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
