...so i touched it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
