There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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