i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
