Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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