What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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