Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
