My underwear smells like fireworks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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