before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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