i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
