3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
