I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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