shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
