I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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