Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
