Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
