i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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